The Romantic Poet

The Romantic Poet
Stanley Cohen

Friday, July 23, 2010

Without You, There Is No Me

Jo I’m sorry for the way my Dad acted
I hope you understand that’s how any parent would’ve reacted
If their son was in a hospital bed
Dying and you the only one saving me from dead
Cos I’d be lying if I was denying your importance
Cos when in this stage of repentance
Comes that journey of acceptance
And learning from my past mistakes, to be honest you just came too late
To really be able to save me
But that’s my bad – yet I know if you had
I wouldn’t be who I am currently
Cos through this reflection I can see
How much you helped and cared for me
And without your guidance I just wouldn’t be…

See, cos now I guess I’m growing
After learning from those who taught me
The more I grow – the more I know
That I can travel up, but I’ll always be locked in the past though
Cos that’s where I truly came to be
And without you, there just wouldn’t be a me

Dear Mum, I’m sorry for all the pain I must’a put you through
Believe me if there was anyway to change it there’d be nothing I wouldn’t do
But see for me I take this view; that all in the past made me today
I couldn’t get to here any other way
So maybe all that pain and hurt was worth it
I don’t regret any of it – not a bit
Cos I’m proud of who I am
And I write this to shout out loud how proud I am of you
How glad I am for you to be my Mum
I hope you can lay to rest everything I’ve done
And only see this man I’ve become
See your child as who he is now
It’s only important to me, how I came to be

See, cos now I guess I’m growing
After learning from those who taught me
The more I grow – the more I know
That I can travel up, but I’ll always be locked in the past though
Cos that’s where I truly came to be
And without you, there just wouldn’t be a me

When going through recovery I was still so low
I was even going through life blow by blow
Just when I needed all the help I could get
I had three amazing teachers who I’m so grateful to have met
Cos not only did they teach me, they opened doors for me
Allowed me to see who I really was and what I really wanted
And how to get there undaunted
Quite frankly there’s just so much you did
Like I was sitting in the dark and you turned on the light
Even showing me poetry and guiding me to write
To express all these feelings to feel more right
Without knowing it you helped me with this inner fight
And even showed the way to Uni
A place where I could finally escape and be -
Myself, finally moving on
You gave me a reason to carry on
Whilst opening to me everything I now see so important
You were the sea and I the ship leaving the port
You threw the ball and I caught it and ran
There’s so much you taught; in the classroom it only began
That’s why I value everything you did for me, cos you taught a frail boy how to be me

See, cos now I guess I’m growing
After learning from those who taught me
The more I grow – the more I know
That I can travel up, but I’ll always be locked in the past though
Cos that’s where I truly came to be
And without you, there just wouldn’t be a me

And Erica – I guess I left her for last
Maybe cos subconsciously I want to keep her in the past
Everything in my life has just seemed to happen so fast
But I remember everything with her in slow-motion
Many times a day I sit in deep through and devotion
Just thinking of all she did – the only girl who gets me too emotional
Cos when I think about it all – how she helped me and I then neglected her
It just makes me feel so cruel and it wasn’t fair at all
I hate the corny saying but that’s the way this be playing
It wasn’t you but me – to me you were like praying
A girl I could open up to and always rely on – my source of hope like looking to the skies
I hate to think about all those cries from me and all those times you had to watch me slowly die
As inside I became more and more isolated till pushed over the edge
But you were right there always doing your best -
For me, and believe me, I’ll always love you for that
But that’s the problem – I love you
It’s been so long since we last chat
And to you my excuse might seem like crap
But it’s more than love, almost dependency
There’s no way you’ll see how I see
But it just hurt so much I needed to just let go
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
But please believe me I still appreciate you
More than you could understand – but with you here I just can’t stand
Cos I’m always so blue just wanting your hand
So you see, the only possibility of me recovering
Was leaving without this love burdening me
I’m so sorry, but it just how it has to be…

See, cos now I guess I’m growing
After learning from those who taught me
The more I grow – the more I know
That I can travel up, but I’ll always be locked in the past though
Cos that’s where I truly came to be
And without you, there just wouldn’t be a me

1 comment:

  1. What a remarkable story, I could feel the hurt, pain and the glory. A great tribute to those who gave you the will to be you. LOL, BDC

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