Just call me a fallen idealist
Cos I’ve been past all that hopeful shit
Right now I just think; pass me that drink so I can get pissed
And forget all these worries
Scratch “living without regret” off my To Do list
I tried so hard to defeat what I felt inside
But I just can’t compete with this rising tide
And these feelings are getting harder to hide
More so when I’m losing friends to confide –
in; I wish you could see how I’ve been
Burdened and struggling
Fighting but losing
Forgetting and
Dying
Slowly – silently
It washes away this yearning of who I wanted to be
And makes dreams hard to see
But I go through all this discreetly
Even those closest to me wouldn’t believe
This dark secret that I keep
Waves of depression acting like a concussion
Numbing the soul and the mind
Like one sick and twisted fusion
Leaving my future behind
Close that gate cos I’m too late
My heart’s just brimming with hate
Hate for myself for how I feel
And worst of all is that all this I conceal
I reach out for your hand; but it isn’t real
Cos I’ve been past all that hopeful shit
Right now I just think; pass me that drink so I can get pissed
And forget all these worries
Scratch “living without regret” off my To Do list
I tried so hard to defeat what I felt inside
But I just can’t compete with this rising tide
And these feelings are getting harder to hide
More so when I’m losing friends to confide –
in; I wish you could see how I’ve been
Burdened and struggling
Fighting but losing
Forgetting and
Dying
Slowly – silently
It washes away this yearning of who I wanted to be
And makes dreams hard to see
But I go through all this discreetly
Even those closest to me wouldn’t believe
This dark secret that I keep
Waves of depression acting like a concussion
Numbing the soul and the mind
Like one sick and twisted fusion
Leaving my future behind
Close that gate cos I’m too late
My heart’s just brimming with hate
Hate for myself for how I feel
And worst of all is that all this I conceal
I reach out for your hand; but it isn’t real
I feel a lot of hurt in this collection of words. The voice of someone desperately crying out for help. I hope you are not the target you have to much to give the world. Open your heart and get rid of all hate and find the love that is waiting to be shared. LOL, BDC
ReplyDeleteStanley, Your poem breaks my heart. You look just like my Grandson Dustin and he is having the same feelings as you because he made a wrong choice and found himself in trouble with the Courts. Now, he is beating himself up, hating life, doesn't even want to live anymore and all of us in the family are trying to see him out of this. I even hired my Attorney to help him out of his troubles. We were so proud of him and even gave him a 1984 silver Pontiac Fiero. You know those hot little cars that look like Match Box Cars? Now, he even feels that he doesn't deserve that, yes, he let us down by making a wrong choice but we all forgive him completely and encourage him to learn from his mistakes and from now to think before he chooses to do wrong. God gave us the gift of choice to learn lessons from our mistakes and to become more God like when another choice comes to us. Then we should stop and consider if this is the right decision or the wrong decision that will cause us and our family pain. I am 100% behind you Stanley and I reach my hand out to you to help you if there is anything that I can say to help you if you are talking about your life. I send you my prayers and love. You are too young to be in so much pain just like my Grandson is who is only 18. Please check out my Web site at: www.spiritual-harmony.com and I think that you will find some words of help there. Go to the Web Directory too and browse through the many pages of interest to you. I love you with all my heart even though we are complete strangers. I am with you, behind you and beside you.
ReplyDeleteLove Your New Friend,
Tamm
Tamara Lesley